BOULDER, Colorado -- As our country spirals deeper into recession, the delicacies that we have enjoyed over these past fat generations may be beyond our reach - beef, pork, even the lowly chicken. Instead, Americans will come to rely on small woodland rodents for their protein, and if we're lucky, we can have a horse meat steak on Christmas.
But it appears as if the foodstuff of the future is in jeopardy. Up and down the east coast, acorns have vanished, and the squirrels that depend on them are dying off in large numbers. As you can see in my neighborhood, the squirrels have resorted to eating bagels.
The squirrel population is dwindling, but so are our resources to catch them. At least, that is according to the crazy customers in the gun store where my brother works; they are all convinced that Barack Obama is poised to strip us of our right to bear arms. So, when our guns have been taken away, and the few remaining squirrels are our last hope for survival before we begin consuming the flesh of other humans, we must all learn to master the slingshot. And the master of the deadly art is Rufus Hussy of Ashboro, Indiana:
Thanks to Andrew for the video link.
1902: Joe Higginbotham, criminal assailant
1 hour ago